Beauty Is in the Eye of the Beholder—and That Includes You

You know that saying,

beauty is in the eye of the beholder?

I’ve heard it my entire life, and I don’t think I ever gave much thought to who the beholder actually was.

I understood the saying.

What one person finds beautiful,

someone else may not.

We all have our own preferences, our own tastes, our own way of seeing things.

That’s true….

but so is this:

You’re a beholder too.

I wonder how often we remember that when we’re thinking about our own beauty.

• Other people are going to have their opinions. 

• Someone may think you’re beautiful. Someone else may not. 

• Someone may love the very thing about yourself you’ve spent years wishing were different.

That’s the nature of beauty being in the eye of the beholder — but somewhere among all of those eyes looking at you….are your own.

How you see yourself matters too.

….and maybe the more interesting question isn’t whether you’re beautiful.

Maybe it’s:

What does being beautiful mean to you?

Because once you start there, you have something of your own to work with.

Not a standard you have to meet.

Not an answer somebody else has to give you.

Something you’ve actually considered for yourself.

…And yes, what you see can absolutely be a part of that answer.

Your face.

Your body.

Your hair.

Your style.

Whatever you genuinely find beautiful.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good.

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying being attractive, taking care of yourself, changing something you want to change, or smiling when someone tells you that you look amazing.

I certainly do. ☺️

….But what you see, on the outside, isn’t all there is to consider.

There are things about yourself that nobody could know just by looking at you.

Things like: 

✨Your character.

✨Your values.

✨Your spirit.

✨Knowing what you believe.

✨Knowing how you love.

✨Knowing what makes you laugh.

There are things you’ve had to work through, things you’ve had to learn, and parts of yourself you’ve had to grow that should also be considered.

I think that’s what has changed for me over time.

I still appreciate what I see.

I’ve just gotten to know more about the person I’m looking at.

The more I’ve gotten to know myself, the more I recognized that my beauty never began on the outside.

You can be beautiful and still have a hard time seeing yourself that way.

Sometimes what you’re looking at isn’t actually the problem.

It’s what you’ve learned to believe about what you’re looking at.

🤔Maybe an experience changed the way you saw yourself.

🤔Maybe a comment stayed with you longer than it deserved to.

🤔Maybe you’ve spent years measuring yourself against something you never consciously decided was beautiful in the first place.

When that happens, it can be easy to keep looking at the outside, wondering what else needs to change.

Maybe something does — but maybe there’s also some work to do with the person doing the looking.

Not to convince yourself that you’re beautiful but to understand

what beautiful actually means to you.

That requires knowing yourself.

Not perfectly.

Not all at once.

Just enough to begin developing your own point of view.

So I want you to think about something.

Not as homework.

Just as a thought you can take with you.

✍🏽What is beautiful to you?

And once you have an answer, go a little further.

✍🏽What do you know about yourself that belongs in that definition?

Maybe it’s something you see in the mirror.

Maybe it’s something no mirror could ever show you.

Maybe it’s both.

That’s yours to decide….and I think there’s something really important about giving yourself the opportunity to decide it.

When you know what beauty means to you—and you know enough about yourself to recognize where that beauty exists—you’re no longer relying entirely on someone else’s eyes to tell you what they see.

Their opinion can still be lovely. Receive the compliment.

Enjoy being admired.

Let somebody think you’re fine. 😍

Just don’t let their eyes carry the entire responsibility of how you see yourself.

Your eyes are there too.

Your eyes matter most. 

That’s the part of ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ I want us to remember.

Other people will see you from where they stand—but you get to spend a lifetime getting to know the person they’re looking at.

😍Let that knowledge matter.

😍Let your character matter.

😍Let your values matter.

😍Let your spirit matter.

😍Let what you pour into yourself matter.

….Because those things have a way of showing up too—in how you carry yourself, how you speak, how you love, how you move through a room, and how it feels for someone to experience you.

Beauty isn’t only something people see.

Sometimes, it’s something they

experience.

You get to have a say in how much of what they experience is defined by you.

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If this conversation brought something up that you’d like a little more room to sit with, The Quiet Check-In inside The Gym for the Mind gives you a private place to slow down, hear yourself, and pay attention to what may be happening within you.

If you’re curious about how I personally care for both what’s happening inside and what you see on the outside, continue with What I Actually Do to Feel—and Look—Well. That’s where I share more of what caring for both looks like in my own life.

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Beauty can be in the eye of the beholder.

Just remember that one of those beholders is you.

With love,

Amirah

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Hi, I’m Dr. Amirah B. Abdullah. 

I write about the quiet moments that help us become more of who we were created to be. My hope is that these words help you slow down, reflect, heal, grow, and remember the light you already carry.

I believe some of life’s greatest transformations begin with a single honest thought, a willing heart, and the courage to simply be yourself.

Thank you for spending a little time here with me.